As I was laying down, writhing in pain from an injury to my lower spine, I began to tell God this was his body. I am his creation. I called out to my Father God and told him I knew he could see me and he knew of my anguish. And I knew he could feel my pain.
God asked me, “Which is greater, your fear or your pain?
I thought a minute. All my life I’ve had great fear. Fear has been a constant lurking foe. As I’ve walked out his journey, I’ve conquered so many fears in varying degrees. The fear of rejection, of being judged harshly and disliked by people. And the fear of public speaking.
Each time, through tears, but by trusting God’s plan for me, I gutted it up and walked through the fire with His wings. Each time, he supernaturally came through my shaking voice and body, giving me a grace to make it through. And learn, it wasn’t by My strength at all that pushed and pulled me through. It was His.
Last week as another fear came upon me, of how I might eventually die. Yes, I know: morbid, but haven’t we all wished to just peacefully pass in on our sleep?
I heard inside me, very clear, very distinct this question: “Have you not been through enough to see that my plan for you is perfect?”
I knew it was God’s voice. You just know. You hear it inside, but it seems to have a voice from outside close to you that comulates in your soul. He tends to ask me very thought provoking questions. Questions I wouldn’t even know to ask myself.
So tonight, as I laying there talking to him about the relentless pain. He asked me which was greater, fear or pain.
My answer was Pain. Yep, as much as I fear, still… Pain takes the cake. Pain forces you to focus on the Moment. Not a lot of extra energy to perceive future events when pain screams unrelenting in its attention seeking. Each moment grabs at your soul, forcing you deeper into your consciousness.
Pain is a grieving process.
I then heard, “So if pain is greater, pain causes an action over fear.”
I wasn’t sure what that meant.
Then I thought about when you’re in a bad relationship and the pain it causes reaches a crescendo where the fear has to take a backseat because the pain is too great, forcing you to make a change.
As I laid there, realizing I’m onto something very deep, the pain had subsided to a tolerable level …
… And I got up to write.